Mandy Has Logged In 5 Days In A Row

yup...I'm back on the weight loss train. I read a blog post from exactly a month ago and I said that I had lost a total of a half of a pound..sadly I have only lost one more pound since then. I weigh 231.9 lbs:( ..but I am doing something to change that.  I have been logging on MFP very well the last few days I was only over one day and that was yesterday.  Instead of just going to bed and forgetting about it I went on a hour long walk with my hubby and pup. Soo glad that I did!
Something random happened to me earlier this month (9 days ago to be exact) I started spotting weird, it was real light the first two days then towards the end there it got pretty heavy.  I got excited at first because I thought that maybe it could be implantation bleeding?  I think I may have just got my period early.  I have been under a lot of stress with a new job, and school starting again. Plus I got to my heaviest weight ever (233.5) So that could also be a cause. I just can't wait until I lose this weight and can carry a healthy baby! A bunch of my friends, and people I know are pregnant and I just envy them so much! I just have to keep doing what I am doing and someday it will be my turn too.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was a really hard day for me last year, and this year it isn't really any easier. I'm mostly kicking myself in the face because I could be skinny and healthy if I wanted too. I was on facebook earlier and I had to get off because of all the "Happy Mother's Day" status updates. I think frequently that I won't ever get to hear my kid tell me that.  I hate that it is so hard for me to get pregnant. Is it me? Is it him? I'm too stupid to go to the doctor and find out why because I'm sure they are just going to tell me that I am just too heavy to get pregnant. I am so sick of hearing about all of these dumb girls that are young, or unmarried that have "oops" babies. It just isn't fair. They don't want their baby, and they aren't getting taken care of properly.

An' how can two people who built a lovin' home,
Try for years an' never have a child of their own?
When somewhere out there tonight,
There's a baby no-one's holdin' tight:
In need of love.
To me, that don't add up.

Every time I hear this song it just makes me mad. I reeeeallly want to trust in the lord's plan for me but it makes it really difficult too when stupid stuff like this happens! I used to always watch the show 16& pregnant but I don't like to watch it anymore because it makes me so angry.  How do these girls get pregnant on the first time while they are in high school? Why would the lord punish a baby like that? There are soooo many good couples that want a baby and could give their child everything but they can't get pregnant. Why? Why would the lord give a baby to a dumb teenager? I feel sometimes that the baby is just a punishment for them. A baby shouldn't ever be a burden, and if I ever do get the chance to have my own I promise I will be grateful for him/her every single second of the day.