Self Control...I have some?

Today was an interesting day. I felt like I hadn't eaten in months, I was starving from the moment I woke up.  I is also a very victorious day for me as well. I didn't exercise today since I'm using it as a rest day..aaaaannnd. I DIDN'T go over my calorie goal :) I ate all healthy food, except for a bowl of cereal, but I had ONE serving, and only one serving.  I have to say I'm extremely proud of myself today. Can't wait for tomorrow to come so I can make myself proud again. 

Yay 3500 Calories officially gone.

Today I weighed in (I weigh myself everyday, it helps me be better accountable) and Was 237. Finally I am seeing a little movement on the scale.  The last 3 days I have been the same, which I'm actually okay with. I just don't want to see a gain. I'm getting nervous because I'm coming to TOM here in a few days and I tend to gain a few pounds. If I notice I can get it right back off again. I am going to really watch my calories and drink tons of water to keep the bloating down.I'm almost certain I'm not pregnant this month so that is what I am preparing for. 

It is amazing how after only 5 days of eating better how much better I feel. I used to sleep 8-9 hours a night and sometimes even have a nap in, unless I had an energy drink. (haven't had one in about a week now) The last few nights I have had to get out of bed after only 7 hours which is great since I work from home I have a few extra hours a day to run my business, clean my house, exercise, make dinner. etc. My energy level has definitely gone up which I love.

Today I am really going to concentrate on Carbs. Really try hard to stay under 100.  I LOVE bread, or anything soft like that. uuummmmm rolls. Yes, rolls it is true you are what you eat. I've ate so many rolls I have some of my own to carry around with me at all times.

Day 4!

I have been extremely good the past four days and am actually quite proud of myself. 4 Days doesn't seem like a lot, but to me it is.  I usually don't make it by the end of the day before I blow my diet on something stupid.  I have been eating fruits and veggies and making healthy dinners.  The other night (Sunday) was date night.  We ate out, I ordered a 350 something calorie grilled chicken sandwich on a wheat bun.  We went to a movie and stopped a gas station to get goodies like normal.  I didn't gorge. I ate ONE serving of Swedish fish. Usually I eat the entire bag before we are ten minutes into the movie. 
I weighed myself today. Only down .4 lbs but I will take it. I am starting to feel better and I don't think my stomach is quite as bloated now that I am getting all the junk out of there so that is a huge plus.
One thing I am struggling with a little is being short of breath.  When I lay down I didn't realize that being fat was a problem, I am having a little bit of a hard time breathing.  Must lose weight!
Well I just wanted to leave a quick update. I will hopefully post more tomorrow.

Jealous.

I know it's wrong to be but I am extremely jealous. So many of my friends, and people I know are announcing their pregnancy.  Many of them didn't try very long where we have been technically trying for over two years. 

This month is one of the first month's my husband really started talking about wanting a baby.  We did the ovulation tracker and did the baby dance during quite a few of the days..put the legs up for at least 20 minutes every time as well. *crossing fingers!* Now we get to play the waiting game..my expected period is supposed to be here the 24th.  Thankfully school will keep me extremely busy for the next two weeks until I plan on testing (if Aunt Flo doesn't make her appearance)  Let's hope she stays away.


I'm feeling a weird pressure in my lower abdomen, I have googled online and everywhere says it's too early to show any sighs or symptoms but I just feel weird.
I did find this however:
Possible lower-abdominal achiness (mittelschmerz): About one in four women feel a twinge or series of cramps in the lower abdominal area — usually one side (the side they’re ovulating from). This pain, which is thought to come from an ovary releasing an egg, is known as mittelschmerz (from the German word meaning “middle pain”).

The pain is more in my right side.
I think I need to get off the internet. I'm just psyching myself out and that isn't a good thing to do right now.

Mandy Has Logged In 5 Days In A Row

yup...I'm back on the weight loss train. I read a blog post from exactly a month ago and I said that I had lost a total of a half of a pound..sadly I have only lost one more pound since then. I weigh 231.9 lbs:( ..but I am doing something to change that.  I have been logging on MFP very well the last few days I was only over one day and that was yesterday.  Instead of just going to bed and forgetting about it I went on a hour long walk with my hubby and pup. Soo glad that I did!
Something random happened to me earlier this month (9 days ago to be exact) I started spotting weird, it was real light the first two days then towards the end there it got pretty heavy.  I got excited at first because I thought that maybe it could be implantation bleeding?  I think I may have just got my period early.  I have been under a lot of stress with a new job, and school starting again. Plus I got to my heaviest weight ever (233.5) So that could also be a cause. I just can't wait until I lose this weight and can carry a healthy baby! A bunch of my friends, and people I know are pregnant and I just envy them so much! I just have to keep doing what I am doing and someday it will be my turn too.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was a really hard day for me last year, and this year it isn't really any easier. I'm mostly kicking myself in the face because I could be skinny and healthy if I wanted too. I was on facebook earlier and I had to get off because of all the "Happy Mother's Day" status updates. I think frequently that I won't ever get to hear my kid tell me that.  I hate that it is so hard for me to get pregnant. Is it me? Is it him? I'm too stupid to go to the doctor and find out why because I'm sure they are just going to tell me that I am just too heavy to get pregnant. I am so sick of hearing about all of these dumb girls that are young, or unmarried that have "oops" babies. It just isn't fair. They don't want their baby, and they aren't getting taken care of properly.

An' how can two people who built a lovin' home,
Try for years an' never have a child of their own?
When somewhere out there tonight,
There's a baby no-one's holdin' tight:
In need of love.
To me, that don't add up.

Every time I hear this song it just makes me mad. I reeeeallly want to trust in the lord's plan for me but it makes it really difficult too when stupid stuff like this happens! I used to always watch the show 16& pregnant but I don't like to watch it anymore because it makes me so angry.  How do these girls get pregnant on the first time while they are in high school? Why would the lord punish a baby like that? There are soooo many good couples that want a baby and could give their child everything but they can't get pregnant. Why? Why would the lord give a baby to a dumb teenager? I feel sometimes that the baby is just a punishment for them. A baby shouldn't ever be a burden, and if I ever do get the chance to have my own I promise I will be grateful for him/her every single second of the day. 

lost 0.5 pounds since her last weigh-in! She's lost 0.4 pounds so far.

I'm excited that I can finally start losing weight again, and am under my starting weight when I started MFP. :)

For our anniversary 11 days ago we went on a little trip to bear lake. It has been one of our favorite little getaway spots. We first went there 3 years ago, and I was looking at pictures through my facebook. and found one that I thought I looked so heavy in.  Sadly the pants that look a little baggy here do not fit anymore, and the shirt definitely is not that loose anymore. It's actually kind of tight. I just wish I would of been more happy with the weight I was back then. (I'm estimating that I was around 180 there) Sadly I'm almost 50lbs heavier now and it is going to take me months to get back there.

I had pizza for dinner last night so I am trying hard to get 16 glasses of water in to flush some of that sodium!

Other random news..I decided as a little bit of a motivator I am going to award myself little awards for losing weight.  We got a 55 gallon fish tank from my in laws and I am desperate to fill it with fish. Currently we have a few guppies in there that I transferred from my 20 gallon just to test out the water.  Once I reach 225 (only 3.4 lbs to go) I am going to buy a fish or two for the tank :) I am obsessed with fish. I just LOVE to stare at them and watch them swim. Yes I'm a nerd, I know.